323 MLS regular season games begin on Saturday. With a referee lockout threatening opening weekend, a World Cup break in the middle, and CBA negotiations at the end, you’re going to need a drink.

As always, your mixologists at Open Wide For Some Soccer have you covered. Please enjoy these 16 MLS signature cocktails responsibly.

The Kyle Martini

  • 2 oz. citrus vodka
  • 1/2 oz. fresh lemon juice
  • 1/4 oz. fresh pomegranate juice
  • 1 oz. simple syrup

Shake all ingredients well with ice and strain into a chilled martini glass. Add a dash of rose water if available. Garnish with flamed orange peel, and serve to players mouthing off at commentators on Twitter.

The Robbie Keane

  • 2 oz. irish whiskey
  • 1/2 oz. Demerara sugar syrup
  • 1 cup fresh brewed, good quality hot coffee
  • Heavy cream, slightly whipped

Preheat mug. Pour hot coffee into mug until it is ¾ full. Add the demerara syrup and whiskey. Float the heavy cream on top of the drink. Holding mug, do a sloppy somersault to blend; anything that stays in the mug, you can drink.

The Shalrie Joseph

  • Two cups ice
  • 1 oz pineapple juice
  • 1 oz orange juice
  • 1 oz blackberry liqueur
  • 1 oz banana liqueur
  • 1 oz light rum
  • 1 oz dark rum or aged rum
  • Splash grenadine
  • Optional: one ounce of Bacardi 151 to float on top
  • Orange slice (optional)

Combine all ingredients in a tumbler with ice and shake vigorously for 10 seconds, then smash it into someone’s achilles heel. Enjoy your beverage.

The Rules Committee Colada*

  • 1 1/2 oz light rum
  • 2 oz Coco Lopez® cream of coconut
  • 2 oz pineapple juice
  • 1 cup crushed ice

Place all ingredients in a blender and blend until smooth. Service with a pineapple garnish.

(* Ingredients to this cocktail can be changed at any time to suit the needs of the maker.)

The Thierry Henry

  • 1/2 oz fresh lemon juice
  • 1/2 oz simple syrup
  • 1 oz Gin
  • Champagne

I don’t know if you remember, but fill a shaker with ice. Like I told you before, add the lemon juice, the simple syrup, the gin. Having said that, shake well, then strain in a Champagne flute. At the end of the day, top with the champagne and have a go with a lemon twist.

The Kenny Cooper

  • 1 cup whole milk, room temperature

Sit down at a table with your glass of milk. Drink it, but not too quickly. Call your parents and check in on them. Call your teammates and ask if they’re ok and if they need help moving or anything. Make a donation to charity. Fall over.

The Chris Pontius

  • 2/3 cup pineapple juice, chilled
  • 1/3 cup vanilla vodka
  • 2 pineapple chunks
  • 1 dash grenadine

Pour all ingredients into a shaker and shake vigorously with ice. Strain into a martini glass.*

(* Drink must be consumed topless.)

The Tinfoil Ted

  • 1 can Natty Bo
  • 1 shot Jägermeister

Pour beer into pint glass. Drop shot into beer. Avoid talking about promotion and relegation. The drink may try to interrupt your conversations with others. Do not, under any circumstances, engage in conversation with the drink.

The Chivas USA

  • 1/2 ounce fresh lemon juice
  • 3/4 ounce ginger-agave syrup
  • 2 ounces añejo tequila
  • 1/4 ounce mezcal

Combine lemon juice, ginger-agave syrup, and tequila in a cocktail shaker. Fill shaker with ice and shake until well chilled, about 15 seconds. Strain into a double rocks glass over a large ice cube. Top with mezcal, take a sip, and then throw the whole thing out as a regrettable mistake. Appoint Nelson Rodriguez to make you a new drink.

The Marco Di Vaio

  • 1 oz Campari
  • 1 oz gin
  • 1 oz sweet vermouth
  • Orange peel

Stir the first three ingredients together in a cocktail shaker filled with ice. Strain into a coupe glass. Twist the orange peel to release the natural oils, and drop twist into drink. Sip every time the offside flag is raised.

Cup of Tradition

  • 6 oz DC Brau’s “The Tradition”
  • 6 oz lemonade

Fill cup with ice; pour lemonade into cup and top with the beer. Drink in Lot 8 while reminiscing about all those trophies DC United won over a decade ago.

That’s So Metro

  • 12 oz Sunny D
  • 12 oz cheap red wine
  • 1/2 cup cubed apples, oranges, and lemon

Combine haphazardly over ice in a giant cup. Complain how this drink is missing any creativity. Blame your resulting hangover on Nicola Caricola.

The Peter Nowak

  • 12 oz water
  • Ice

We recommend making this drink only at temperatures exceeding 95 degrees.

Fill shaker with water and ice. Shake until completely cooled. Refuse to give drink to anybody.

The Donald Garber

  • 3 oz Pappy Van Winkle’s Family Reserve 23yr, chilled

Pour chilled whiskey into a glass. Consume while expressing a sudden interest in the league becoming profitable in a CBA negotiation year.

The American Returning From Europe

  • 3 oz. Russian standard vodka
  • 1/2 oz. lime juice
  • 1/2 oz agave nectar
  • 6 cherry tomatoes
  • 8 basil leaves
  • Kosher salt
  • Crushed black pepper

Muddle cherry tomatoes and basil with a dash each of salt and pepper. Add lime agave and Russian Standard Vodka. Shake vigorously with ice cubes and double strain into a coupe glass rubbed with lime and rimmed with equal parts salt and black pepper. Garnish with a basil leaf. Get in an argument every week for the rest of the year if this drink is good for your career.

The Long Tan

  • 2 oz gin
  • 2 oz fresh grapefruit juice
  • 8 oz india pale ale or lager

In a shaker, combined gin, grapefruit juice, and ice. Shake until well chilled. Pour pale ale into highball glass, and strain mixture over top. Treat this drink as the greatest thing to happen to American soccer. Never, ever shut up about this drink.

  1. tif-nee reblogged this from owfss and added:
    I’ll take a Kyle martini & a Kenny cooper on the rocks
  2. mr-koo reblogged this from owfss
  3. owfss posted this