It’s still the off-season, and the beat reporters are getting a little stir crazy. Desperate for scoops, good journalists have taken to scouring the Internet for something – anything – that might resemble soccer news.

Today, while searching for trademarks that belong to Major League Soccer, we hit pay dirt. No, it wasn’t abandoned team names like “Washington Revolution” or “Voyagers” or “Chicago Rhythm” or “Inter Toronto FC”. No, it wasn’t marketing catchphrases like “THE GAME JUST GOT HOTTER” or “SOCCER AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL” or “OUR TURF. OUR TERMS.” or “RIGHT HERE. RIGHT NOW!” or “WHERE THE STARS COLLIDE” or “SOCCER HISTORY IN THE MAKING” or “BELIEVE IT!”. (All of these are admittedly very good.)

No, it was an active trademark - serial number 75102934, word mark “SOCCER CELEBRATION MAJOR LEAGUE SOCCER A SOCCER THEME PARK”. The goods and services were listed as:

IC 041. US 100 101 107. G & S: entertainment services, namely, organizing and conducting a festival celebrating soccer, and organizing and conducting soccer clinics and events. FIRST USE: 19960406. FIRST USE IN COMMERCE: 19960406

Despite the trademark being filed on May 13th 1996 and renewed on November 10th 2007, a soccer theme park has never come to be.

Yet.

We were emailed this clearly top secret document from a man identifying himself only as “The Third Lalas Brother”, showing what we can only believe are the current plans for the theme park. Again, as a duty to our loyal readers, we present this information so that you can see what could have been.

(Click to view full size.)